What a Day!!

So today was packed full of ups and downs, excitement and sheer panick, good and shall we say... not so good. It started off fine. I had amillion things to do because it was Amanda's birthday. Dropped the kids off at the Babysitting Co-op so I could run many errands without having to buckle and unbuckle the boys a million times. Ran my errands and went to pick up the boys. Well, Lara and I got talking as we do - more now that we are in the Primary Presidency together. The boys (Ryan and Tyler plus her two Kyle-5 yrs and Ryan-3 yrs) were all playing in the back yard and eventually moved to the front yard. Kyle came into the house to ask if they could ride bikes. Lara said no, I told him we were leaving in a minute. So they went back out front. The front door was open, I was sitting at her bar so I could see the boys and we could both hear them. After a couple minutes I got up and we went to get the boys so I could go home and get them lunch. They were GONE! We looked in the back yard, looked through her house, they were really GONE! A moment of unbelief that this was happening... We jumped in my car and drove around her block. Nothing. Dropped her off at her house, we got in our own cars and started driving around. I went to the park and then over to my house, NOTHING! She went further up into her neighborhood and then back toward her house, NOTHING. We split up and drove again through neighboring subdivisions, NOTHING! My body is going numb. I am such an overprotective mom. I always know where my kids are at all times. To the point that some people have laughed at me or asked why I worry so much. But I always know where they are and freak out if I can't see them at all times! So I am really starting to freak out! Lara goes to wake up her husband - he is a cop and was sleeping from working the night shift. He goes out looking. I am running thru her neighborhood knocking on random doors asking if anyone has seen 4 little boys. I run to the park yelling their names. I see the Landscapers at the park but no little boys. Lara calls the Police, it has now been 30 minutes they have been missing. My friend that I was going to meet at the park is out on her bike looking everywhere for them. In the neighborhoods, the parks, can't find them. Everytime I call her to see if she has found them she answers her phone "Did you find them?" David is coming home from work, we now have 6 officers, neighbors and ward members all looking for 4 little boys who we think are together. Finally someone calls and tells us the Landscapers at the Park said they saw 4 little boys walking up Bridlegate toward Houston 25 minutes earlier (kind of toward my house). It has now been an hour that they are missing. Lara and I are crying and starting to really lose it. They won't let us leave Lara's house. Talk about feeling helpless! We were discussing how this could have happened and how noone saw them. when I remembered telling Kyle we were going to be going home soon. I called my friend Markelle again and asked her to go to my house and go IN my house and look for them. To go IN the backyard. I had driven past my house, Lara's husband had gone to my house and looked over the side wall into the back yard and yelled for them but found nothing. She said she would. I called her back and asked if she was there yet, she had just gotten there and was checking my front door. Locked. I told her to go into the back yard, she opened the big side gate and yelled "I FOUND THEM!! They are here." Then she said to the boys that the Police were out looking for them and then told me she was going to hang up and cry. I jumped in my car and flew to my house. There were now 2 police cars and a police motorcycle at my house. Rick had gotten there too and was helping get the boys out of the back yard. They had gotten into the pool area -thanks to a ladder they had propped up against the pool fence to get to the lock on the gate. Once inside the pool area they were locked in and couldn't get out. So, here are 4 little boys who CAN'T swim locked IN the pool area! This could have gone so wrong in so many ways! Come to find out, after much prodding and questioning by both Lara and myself, basically they didn't want to stop playing together, so they ran to my house - they wanted to hurry so they could hide and keep playing. They walked 3/4 mile to get to my house! I clocked it in the car with Ryan tonight! It also came out that they were afraid of the cars, so anytime they saw one, they would hide in the bushes. Thus the reason no one could find them. I have never felt so much fear and panick in my life. I was so scared! When I did see them, I just held them. Ryan was pretty upset and wouldn't let go of me. He was crying when the officer lifted him over the fence to me and wouldn't let go until David took him in the house. I don't know if he completely understands how scared I was, but Christina said that when she walked in from school he said "I was lost and made Mommy cry today." I just know I NEVER want to experience that feeling again!
On a lighter note... Today was Amanda's Birthday! She turned 7 today! She is getting so big! I can hardly believe it! We went out to dinner and then back home to open presents and have cake & ice cream. She seemed to enjoy it all very much! Screaming with such delight of each little gift. She would scream and get so excited and then look at it and ask "what is it?" She is a nut! Amanda is such an independent littel girl. I told her the other day that she is very stubborn. She asked what stubborn meant. I told her and we discussed it for a little while. She seemed satisfied. Then tonight she announced "I am stubborn" then looked at me and asked again "what does stubborn mean? Is it good?" She makes me laugh. She is a lot of fun to have in the family. She has a great laugh and loves school. She loves to do anything crafty - loves to make cards, necklaces, draw pictures, color, etc. She loves to dance in her room to her favorite cd's -not sure which one is the favorite this week... She is reading so well, and loves to read books and have them read to her. We went to the library recently and she chose -I think- half the library!! She had a stack of books to bring home. I think we must have brought home 20 or more, just for her. I am so happy to have her in our family. Love you Amanda Panda -aka Boo!

Trip to Utah

Sorry, really long post...
Ok, so we got back over a week ago, I am a little slow in posting. We had such a great time. We were gone for 9 days. What a difference in temperature! We left Arizona, it was still high 90's and wound up in Utah where it was 40's-50's. I froze!!!! Everyone there was so happy when it hit 60, they were in short sleeve shirts, some were in shorts! I wore a jacket and jeans! They laughed at me. We spent the first few days with David's parents. Then David had to fly home to work.
We took a drive up the canyon before he left. It was so beautiful. We went to Cascade Springs and Sundance. I really miss those canyons! He was suppose to fly back out to help us drive home, but he was swamped with work and wasn't able to come back. So my dad drove home with us and flew back to Utah. Anyway, I had many things planned for our trip.
Most importantly we had to go to Gardner Village and see the witches! I absolutely love this place. It is such a great little place to shop and spend time with friends. Which is exactly what we did. We spent the entire day with 'Auntie Paige'.
Started off at Gardner Village where we found all the witches, did some 'window' shopping (found a dining room set I really want!!!), had lunch at the Naborhood Bakery, went to the Hay Maze and the petting zoo. We met up with another friend, Anne, that I haven't seen in YEARS!!! Anne, Paige and I were all nannies together in California forever ago! It was so wonderful to see her and spend a few hours with her and her cute little boy! It was hard to say goodbye...
Then it was off to the first of 6 temples we visited. We decided it might be fun to do a Temple Tour.
There are so many in the SL Valley, and the kids have been talking about temples in Primary all year, so we started with Jordan River. It was closed, but we were still able to go onto the grounds and take a few pictures. Then we went to visit another dear friend of mine whom I grew up with. Jennie and I have been friends since we were, gosh as long as I remember... 4 or 5 years old? It was so fun to see her adorable family again. She has 6 kids. Hers are all about the same ages as mine, except the last little surprise she had just a year ago. :) I could've stayed there all day. It was so nice to see her, and the kids had a blast playing and running all over her HUGE yard!! (6 acres!)
Then we headed to Salt Lake to meet up with my sister, Lisa. We had dinner and then headed to the SL Temple, where David and I were married. We rode Trax, which the kids thought was really cool. The temple was closed by the time we got there, but we were able to go into the Tabernacle and then we went across the street to the Conference Center. The kids loved seeing the difference between the two. We walked all over Temple Square. It was so much fun!
Tuesday, we waited for Paige and then headed to the new Draper Temple. It was so windy and cold up there! But it was beautiful. It was open so we took the kids into the foyer and showed them all the beautiful pictures. It was really neat. There was also a wedding -or at least a bride and groom having their pictures taken, so we watched them for a few minutes. Such a beautiful Temple! Then we headed across the way to the new Ochre Mountain Temple.
It was, again, very windy and cold! It, too, was open so we went into the foyer again. The kids thought it was so neat that they got to go 'into' the temple. Then we went for lunch at Chick Fil A. We let the kids play for a while so Paige and I could just talk. Then we headed toward home, but first we had to stop for Iceberg!! The best shakes on earth!!!! Yummmm!!!! Then Paige had to say goodbye. She had a meeting that night. It's always so hard to say goodbye to Paige. Lisa met up with us and we went to Aunt Sarahs for dinner. It was fun to hang out. Sarah and Alton had their High School Yearbooks so we opened them up and basically laughed at how rediculous we all looked with our big hair! The kids were getting a big kick out of it. It was a fun night.
Wednesday we headed up to my parents cabin. It is so beautiful up there, and always a fun adventure! The weather was not very cooperative on Wednesday. It was rainy and a little wet, so we didn't go quadding that day. But we still had fun hanging out at the cabin. Thursday we went quadding, swinging and zip lining. It was so fun. We had tinfoil dinners, roasted marshmalows by the fire and had a blast with cousins and family. Lisa and Daniel came up, Aunt Cami with her 3 boys and Kim, Dustin & Marissa were all there. (plus grandma and grandpa!) Sarah got sick and wasn't able to make it up. It was such a fun trip.
We left the cabin Friday, but on the way home we swung into Manti to visit the Manti Temple. It was also closed for cleaning and maintenance, but we were able to walk around and the kids played on the big hill where the Pageant is every year. It is the Temple that Grandma and Grandpa were married in, so it was fun to visit it with them. Once we got back to Grandma and Grandpa H's house we showered quickly and then -almost- the entire family came over for dinner. (we missed you Brian and Teresa!) It was fun to see everyone.
We left Saturday. Said a goodbye to David's parents, then went to pick up my dad. It is a tradition to get an Iceberg Shake on our way out of town. But, since we were leaving from my parents house, there is not an Iceberg close by, so we went to Arctic Circle to get shakes. They are really yummy too! So, with shakes in hand we were off to Arizona. It took us a long time to get home. Since we were so close, we decided to stop in St George and visit the Temple. It was nice for the kids to see one more Temple. We went into the Visitor's Center, but the kids were a little cranky at this point in the trip, so it was a quick visit. We decided to explore a different way home than we have ever taken. It was a beautiful drive. It was 20 miles shorter than the route we were going to take, but I don't know that it was any faster. Oh well, we were happy to get home. It was a great trip and hopefully it won't be another 2+ years before we go back.

Addicted!

So we all have our addictions. For some it could be alcohol or drugs. Maybe it's chocolate (yes, I love that too). Maybe you are addicted to shopping, the computer, certain TV shows. There are many addictions. My biggest addiction is Fresh Baked Cookies!!! I LOVE baking cookies! It is so bad, that I bake them two or three times a week! That is bad! It doesn't even matter what kind of cookie. I love all cookies. I usually make chocolate chip because that one satisfies everyone in the family. If I make Peanut Better, I am the only one eating them. Oatmeal chocolate chip -another favorite!!- a few won't eat them. Snickerdoodles, ah... that sounds so good right now. I wonder if my addiction is the warm cookie or the cookie dough. They run a very close race. I absolutely love eating the raw dough. Sometimes, I will admit, I make cookies just so I can eat the dough. But there really isn't anything better than a nice warm cookie dipped in ice cold milk. The thing is, I won't eat them the next day. Is that wierd? I like them fresh! They almost taste too dry the next day. They aren't, I just like them fresh. Last night, David was off and it was late, and he said "warm cookies sound really good right now." I eagerly jumped and asked "do you want me to make some for you?" He laughed and said I didn't have to. I really would have, even though it was 11pm. I am addicted!!! In fact, I think I will go make some right now! Anyone want any??
The boys love 'helping' me. The most important job when making cookies is Taste Tester!
Don't these look DELICIOUS?!?!?!?

Ryan turns Five

Ryan turned 5 yesterday. I cannot believe he is five! Where has time gone? Where is my little baby boy? Ryan is such a sweet sensitive boy. He is so full of love. He melts my heart when he just randomly wraps his arms around me and says "I love you, mom." He is such a sweet little boy! He loves to have a good time, he loves playing with his Nerf Guns, Lego's, having mommy read him a book, hide and seek, snuggling, playing with friends and just about anything else. He is pretty agreeable. There isn't a whole lot he doesn't like, except dinner. He really doesn't eat dinner very often. He loves dessert (like his mommy). He looks up to Michael with so much admiration. He adores his sisters and loves hanging with his little brother. He is such a joy to have in the family. So after church the Home Teachers stopped by and brought him a special treat. His very own Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream! We had dinner and we weren't half way through before he was asking if he could open his presents (he had been asking all day!). We had cake and ice cream, (Christina made the cake and Ryan helped her frost it) and then we let him open his presents. He got lots of Play Doh (notice the other ones in the background). I don't like Play Doh, ok, let me clarify, I HATE cleaning up Play Doh. But he loves it, so we got him lots of it! But I think he was most excited about the remote control Monster Truck Grandma and Grandpa gave him. Then Kerrie and Terry came over and brought gifts. Some fun Cars stuff (Mater, Lightning and other cars stuff) which he loved!

So today we decided it was going to be a Play Doh day. We got out the play doh and played for hours! Cutting, rolling, squishing, smashing, and everything else you do with Play Doh.

Cleaning it up wasn't so bad, either. Then it was Monster Truck time, Cars time, Nerf Gun time and playing with friends. It was a great day, yesterday and today.
As I looked at the pictures taken of him yesterday, I cannot believe how big he looks. I cut his hair before church and I think he aged 2 years in that 10 minutes. He is such a cutie and I am so happy he is in our family!

Soccer Season Begins

So this year we have 3 kids playing soccer! Michael, Ryan and Amanda. We were hesitant putting all 3 in, mostly because of games, how would we be able to get to all 3 games on the same day? How would we be able to shuttle all 3 to practices if they ended up on the same day? Christina would have played, but we sorta told her she couldn't. We couldn't imagine FOUR in soccer at the same time. Not without help, anyway. She said she didn't really want to play, so we didn't push it. Well, luckily for us, all their practices are on different days. Phew! And games? Well, Michael plays on Thursday nights (after Ryan's practice) and Ryan and Amanda play games on Saturdays. Looks like we lucked out on that too. So they started games this week. Michael played a great game! He played Goalie, and as a parent you are always nervous about this. What if he sucks? What if he gets scored on over and over again? You see the other team driving toward him and you just want to close your eyes and hope he stops the ball. Well, he did Awesome!! He stopped so many shots and I have to say, he looked really good playing that position. He usually plays up front (wing, is that what it is called?). Coach did take him out of goalie for a short time so he could play up front, he scored a goal! Woo Hoo!! Then he got hurt. A player from the other team pushed him to the ground and kinda trampled over him. He landed on his shoulder and bruised it pretty good. Coach saw he was hurting so he pulled him and put him back at goalie. Don't know if that was any better, but he managed to stop a few more, but unfortunately one got by him. A penalty kick that bounced off the goal and was followed up by a shot. Nothing he could do. Oh well. They tied. It was so fun to watch the teams. They were both really good. I was impressed. Unfortuantely we didn't get any pictures. Too dark.
So Saturday Ryan and Amanda played -at the same time, different fields. I watched Amanda's team the first half then we switched and I watched Ryan. Their teams were last minute wait list teams so they only got one practice in. It was a little obvious. When the other team kicked the ball to start the game -Amanda's game- all the girls just stood there and watched the other team drive to their goal and score. None of them moved! It was kinda funny. This happened 2 or three times before the girls figured out that they were suppose to go after the ball! Once they started to move, Amanda kinda took over. She was all over the place. I don't think some of the girls ever figured it out as they kept going the wrong direction and scored on our own goal for the other team I think 6 times! lol... One of the parents asked if Amanda had played before. I said no. She said 'wow, she'd good. She is aggressive!' (Yeah, she gets that from me!) I just laughed. Christina said in the second half she was grabbing girls and saying 'move!' 'my ball!' and 'get out of my way!' Looks like we may need to work on that! lol...

Ryan's team was fun to watch too. They are so little and their uniforms drown them. He has not taken off his jersey since the day he got it. He sleeps in it too! I finally convinced him to take it off one day so I could wash it! He is so excited to play soccer. Although when I first went over to his game he didn't really look that excited... He seemed a little bored! But eventually he got back into it. The term 'Bunch Ball' came to mind while watching them play. It was so cute to see these little kids running after the ball and trying to kick it. Ryan missed a few times. Most of the misses were harmless enough, but every once in a while he got another kid. I guess that is why they have shin guards. I have no idea who won, I don't think the kids even cared. I am looking forward to watching them play this season, and hopefully they get better as time goes on!

One Down

Well, in my last post I said I needed to make a few decisions. Happy to report... One Down! I quit my job today. I actually walked out. I have never done that before. It is so not like me to do that. I had a silent war in my head about it all day, but in the end I figured that job was sucking the life out of me and staying 2 weeks was only going to make things worse. I only feel bad about leaving the employee's with 'the devil' as most refer to her (aka-my boss). I just couldn't take another day there. So for now I am going to enjoy being home with my kids and maybe I will make some lunch dates, play dates or plans to go to the library or the park. Feeling like a big weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I am feeling much more calm about it all. (I was a mess yesterday!) I will now get to attend all my kids soccer games, clean my house, help the kids with homework, snuggle on the couch with my 2 little boys in the mornings watching Caillou, Sesame Street or whatever we want. I am most excited about the fact that I can start walking/running in the mornings again. Never felt like I had the time while trying to get 3 kids off to school, get ready for work and get out the door by 8:15am. And I hated going back to the gym to work out after spending so much time there working. So I am excited to be able to just get out and walk/run through the neighborhood and feel rejuvenated again.
So, one down, two to go. Actually I guess I could say two down! One of the other decisions was made for me, by me. By quitting my job, I don't see us buying a house anytime soon. So there, 2 down. We will stay where we are and just enjoy it. I will start decorating and maybe I will even go shopping for some furniture so that we have somewhere for people to sit. Then maybe I can entertain again! I love entertaining, but haven't had anyone over because we have nowhere for them to sit! Maybe I can change that too.
So the only decision left is school. Hmmm... Can't tackle that one right now. I need time to recover from the emotions of the last 2 days. Will tackle that one in the next few weeks. For now, I just want to enjoy my 'unemployed' status.

Conflicted

I am in a state of confusion lately. So many decisions to make and no clue where to go. So many possibilities, and yet, no clear path. Why must life be so difficult. Sometimes I hate being a grown up and having to make such life changing decisions. I guess that is why Peter Pan is one of my most favorite movies. I don't wanna grow up!!! Some of the things on my mind right now... Do we buy the house and be beyond dirt poor? Or do we stay where we are until things are better -financially- for us? Do I go back to school like I really want to? If I do, it will be full time until I graduate in 10 months. Which translates to less time with my family and more strain financially. Do I stay in my job that makes me crazy or do I take the leap of faith and quit so I can be with my kids more -which is one of the MAIN reasons we moved here!
I really want to decorate, but it is a rental. I hate my empty boring walls. We repainted, but have nothing to put on them. David's parents came to visit a couple weeks ago and brought us pictures -they had pulled off their walls- so we would have family pictures to hang up! I immediately hung them in the hallway. I love them! Yay, finally some pictures that show a family lives here! But I have a huge wall in the living room that is BLANK! Not to mention there is no furniture in there either! I designed something that I want to make and hang on that big blank wall. I am determined to do it before the week is over. If it turns out, I will post pictures.
Anyway, so I am confused at what I should do. I hate that I work so much and feel like I don't have any time to clean my house, get caught up on laundry and just spend time playing with my kids. Not to mention have any kind of social life! My social life is work. I had that for 12 years owning a business and now I want more than that. I want play dates at the park, lunch with friends, trips to the mall to 'window' shop, all those things I have never had since I started having children 13+ years ago. I have always worked and was always too busy to do any of that. Now I crave it! I have considered cutting back my hours at work to being there just a few days a week, but if I step down as mgr, I also get yet another pay cut. Then is it even worth working?? Ugh... I hate being an adult! I also tend to over-analyze everything. To the point that I can't make a decision because there are too many options or points of view in my own head.
I was reading my patraiarchal blessing today and felt like I hadn't accomplished a couple of things that seemed very clear that I needed to accomplish. Mostly school related. But a totally different direction than I was planning on going. It just got me thinking, did I screw up so long ago that I can't fix any of it now? I don't know...
Sounds more like some serious knee time by the side of my bed is needed. Why is it so hard for me to 'hear' the answers? I am so not in tune I guess. I am quite stubborn and want things my way, but I do try and listen for those answers. I just need the D'Marini over the head to hear them, I guess. Hopefully it doesn't come, this time, in the way of another child like the last one did! Ugh...