Addicted!

So we all have our addictions. For some it could be alcohol or drugs. Maybe it's chocolate (yes, I love that too). Maybe you are addicted to shopping, the computer, certain TV shows. There are many addictions. My biggest addiction is Fresh Baked Cookies!!! I LOVE baking cookies! It is so bad, that I bake them two or three times a week! That is bad! It doesn't even matter what kind of cookie. I love all cookies. I usually make chocolate chip because that one satisfies everyone in the family. If I make Peanut Better, I am the only one eating them. Oatmeal chocolate chip -another favorite!!- a few won't eat them. Snickerdoodles, ah... that sounds so good right now. I wonder if my addiction is the warm cookie or the cookie dough. They run a very close race. I absolutely love eating the raw dough. Sometimes, I will admit, I make cookies just so I can eat the dough. But there really isn't anything better than a nice warm cookie dipped in ice cold milk. The thing is, I won't eat them the next day. Is that wierd? I like them fresh! They almost taste too dry the next day. They aren't, I just like them fresh. Last night, David was off and it was late, and he said "warm cookies sound really good right now." I eagerly jumped and asked "do you want me to make some for you?" He laughed and said I didn't have to. I really would have, even though it was 11pm. I am addicted!!! In fact, I think I will go make some right now! Anyone want any??
The boys love 'helping' me. The most important job when making cookies is Taste Tester!
Don't these look DELICIOUS?!?!?!?

Ryan turns Five

Ryan turned 5 yesterday. I cannot believe he is five! Where has time gone? Where is my little baby boy? Ryan is such a sweet sensitive boy. He is so full of love. He melts my heart when he just randomly wraps his arms around me and says "I love you, mom." He is such a sweet little boy! He loves to have a good time, he loves playing with his Nerf Guns, Lego's, having mommy read him a book, hide and seek, snuggling, playing with friends and just about anything else. He is pretty agreeable. There isn't a whole lot he doesn't like, except dinner. He really doesn't eat dinner very often. He loves dessert (like his mommy). He looks up to Michael with so much admiration. He adores his sisters and loves hanging with his little brother. He is such a joy to have in the family. So after church the Home Teachers stopped by and brought him a special treat. His very own Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream! We had dinner and we weren't half way through before he was asking if he could open his presents (he had been asking all day!). We had cake and ice cream, (Christina made the cake and Ryan helped her frost it) and then we let him open his presents. He got lots of Play Doh (notice the other ones in the background). I don't like Play Doh, ok, let me clarify, I HATE cleaning up Play Doh. But he loves it, so we got him lots of it! But I think he was most excited about the remote control Monster Truck Grandma and Grandpa gave him. Then Kerrie and Terry came over and brought gifts. Some fun Cars stuff (Mater, Lightning and other cars stuff) which he loved!

So today we decided it was going to be a Play Doh day. We got out the play doh and played for hours! Cutting, rolling, squishing, smashing, and everything else you do with Play Doh.

Cleaning it up wasn't so bad, either. Then it was Monster Truck time, Cars time, Nerf Gun time and playing with friends. It was a great day, yesterday and today.
As I looked at the pictures taken of him yesterday, I cannot believe how big he looks. I cut his hair before church and I think he aged 2 years in that 10 minutes. He is such a cutie and I am so happy he is in our family!

Soccer Season Begins

So this year we have 3 kids playing soccer! Michael, Ryan and Amanda. We were hesitant putting all 3 in, mostly because of games, how would we be able to get to all 3 games on the same day? How would we be able to shuttle all 3 to practices if they ended up on the same day? Christina would have played, but we sorta told her she couldn't. We couldn't imagine FOUR in soccer at the same time. Not without help, anyway. She said she didn't really want to play, so we didn't push it. Well, luckily for us, all their practices are on different days. Phew! And games? Well, Michael plays on Thursday nights (after Ryan's practice) and Ryan and Amanda play games on Saturdays. Looks like we lucked out on that too. So they started games this week. Michael played a great game! He played Goalie, and as a parent you are always nervous about this. What if he sucks? What if he gets scored on over and over again? You see the other team driving toward him and you just want to close your eyes and hope he stops the ball. Well, he did Awesome!! He stopped so many shots and I have to say, he looked really good playing that position. He usually plays up front (wing, is that what it is called?). Coach did take him out of goalie for a short time so he could play up front, he scored a goal! Woo Hoo!! Then he got hurt. A player from the other team pushed him to the ground and kinda trampled over him. He landed on his shoulder and bruised it pretty good. Coach saw he was hurting so he pulled him and put him back at goalie. Don't know if that was any better, but he managed to stop a few more, but unfortunately one got by him. A penalty kick that bounced off the goal and was followed up by a shot. Nothing he could do. Oh well. They tied. It was so fun to watch the teams. They were both really good. I was impressed. Unfortuantely we didn't get any pictures. Too dark.
So Saturday Ryan and Amanda played -at the same time, different fields. I watched Amanda's team the first half then we switched and I watched Ryan. Their teams were last minute wait list teams so they only got one practice in. It was a little obvious. When the other team kicked the ball to start the game -Amanda's game- all the girls just stood there and watched the other team drive to their goal and score. None of them moved! It was kinda funny. This happened 2 or three times before the girls figured out that they were suppose to go after the ball! Once they started to move, Amanda kinda took over. She was all over the place. I don't think some of the girls ever figured it out as they kept going the wrong direction and scored on our own goal for the other team I think 6 times! lol... One of the parents asked if Amanda had played before. I said no. She said 'wow, she'd good. She is aggressive!' (Yeah, she gets that from me!) I just laughed. Christina said in the second half she was grabbing girls and saying 'move!' 'my ball!' and 'get out of my way!' Looks like we may need to work on that! lol...

Ryan's team was fun to watch too. They are so little and their uniforms drown them. He has not taken off his jersey since the day he got it. He sleeps in it too! I finally convinced him to take it off one day so I could wash it! He is so excited to play soccer. Although when I first went over to his game he didn't really look that excited... He seemed a little bored! But eventually he got back into it. The term 'Bunch Ball' came to mind while watching them play. It was so cute to see these little kids running after the ball and trying to kick it. Ryan missed a few times. Most of the misses were harmless enough, but every once in a while he got another kid. I guess that is why they have shin guards. I have no idea who won, I don't think the kids even cared. I am looking forward to watching them play this season, and hopefully they get better as time goes on!

One Down

Well, in my last post I said I needed to make a few decisions. Happy to report... One Down! I quit my job today. I actually walked out. I have never done that before. It is so not like me to do that. I had a silent war in my head about it all day, but in the end I figured that job was sucking the life out of me and staying 2 weeks was only going to make things worse. I only feel bad about leaving the employee's with 'the devil' as most refer to her (aka-my boss). I just couldn't take another day there. So for now I am going to enjoy being home with my kids and maybe I will make some lunch dates, play dates or plans to go to the library or the park. Feeling like a big weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I am feeling much more calm about it all. (I was a mess yesterday!) I will now get to attend all my kids soccer games, clean my house, help the kids with homework, snuggle on the couch with my 2 little boys in the mornings watching Caillou, Sesame Street or whatever we want. I am most excited about the fact that I can start walking/running in the mornings again. Never felt like I had the time while trying to get 3 kids off to school, get ready for work and get out the door by 8:15am. And I hated going back to the gym to work out after spending so much time there working. So I am excited to be able to just get out and walk/run through the neighborhood and feel rejuvenated again.
So, one down, two to go. Actually I guess I could say two down! One of the other decisions was made for me, by me. By quitting my job, I don't see us buying a house anytime soon. So there, 2 down. We will stay where we are and just enjoy it. I will start decorating and maybe I will even go shopping for some furniture so that we have somewhere for people to sit. Then maybe I can entertain again! I love entertaining, but haven't had anyone over because we have nowhere for them to sit! Maybe I can change that too.
So the only decision left is school. Hmmm... Can't tackle that one right now. I need time to recover from the emotions of the last 2 days. Will tackle that one in the next few weeks. For now, I just want to enjoy my 'unemployed' status.

Conflicted

I am in a state of confusion lately. So many decisions to make and no clue where to go. So many possibilities, and yet, no clear path. Why must life be so difficult. Sometimes I hate being a grown up and having to make such life changing decisions. I guess that is why Peter Pan is one of my most favorite movies. I don't wanna grow up!!! Some of the things on my mind right now... Do we buy the house and be beyond dirt poor? Or do we stay where we are until things are better -financially- for us? Do I go back to school like I really want to? If I do, it will be full time until I graduate in 10 months. Which translates to less time with my family and more strain financially. Do I stay in my job that makes me crazy or do I take the leap of faith and quit so I can be with my kids more -which is one of the MAIN reasons we moved here!
I really want to decorate, but it is a rental. I hate my empty boring walls. We repainted, but have nothing to put on them. David's parents came to visit a couple weeks ago and brought us pictures -they had pulled off their walls- so we would have family pictures to hang up! I immediately hung them in the hallway. I love them! Yay, finally some pictures that show a family lives here! But I have a huge wall in the living room that is BLANK! Not to mention there is no furniture in there either! I designed something that I want to make and hang on that big blank wall. I am determined to do it before the week is over. If it turns out, I will post pictures.
Anyway, so I am confused at what I should do. I hate that I work so much and feel like I don't have any time to clean my house, get caught up on laundry and just spend time playing with my kids. Not to mention have any kind of social life! My social life is work. I had that for 12 years owning a business and now I want more than that. I want play dates at the park, lunch with friends, trips to the mall to 'window' shop, all those things I have never had since I started having children 13+ years ago. I have always worked and was always too busy to do any of that. Now I crave it! I have considered cutting back my hours at work to being there just a few days a week, but if I step down as mgr, I also get yet another pay cut. Then is it even worth working?? Ugh... I hate being an adult! I also tend to over-analyze everything. To the point that I can't make a decision because there are too many options or points of view in my own head.
I was reading my patraiarchal blessing today and felt like I hadn't accomplished a couple of things that seemed very clear that I needed to accomplish. Mostly school related. But a totally different direction than I was planning on going. It just got me thinking, did I screw up so long ago that I can't fix any of it now? I don't know...
Sounds more like some serious knee time by the side of my bed is needed. Why is it so hard for me to 'hear' the answers? I am so not in tune I guess. I am quite stubborn and want things my way, but I do try and listen for those answers. I just need the D'Marini over the head to hear them, I guess. Hopefully it doesn't come, this time, in the way of another child like the last one did! Ugh...

One Year

Wow, I can hardly believe it has been one year since we moved. My parents arrived here with 3 of our children one year ago yesterday. David and I -with our other two children- arrived one year ago this coming Tuesday. Amazing how fast a year can go! So many things have happened in this year. So many blessings, so many changes, so much growing -both physically and spiritually. I do feel like -almost- a completely different person than I was a year ago. I feel like I have finally grown up. I have finally figured out what I want in life -for now. I know what is important and I have re-prioritized my life. I will not say that I have achieved balance, or that I have become a better mom, or that life is wonderful without struggles. But I can say that life is wonderful, even though we struggle everyday. I have my wonderful husband, my wonderful children and my health. I am so grateful for the many lessons I have learned and for the place I am in my life right now. There are many new adventures and changes to come, but I could not be happier with the changes we have gone through. There are so many friends I miss in California, I do miss having the business from time to time -not the craziness of it, but being around all that creativity and the relationships I had with my employees and customers. I miss that terribly. There are many places in the Bay Area I miss. The beach and the tidepools being the one I miss the most. But still, I wouldn't change where I am today. To see my kids so happy here and to see all the future holds for them, just reconfirms we made the right decision.
Anyway, on this one year mark, I thought I would put up pictures of our journey to Arizona -the fire... I have never posted them, not sure why, and I am not really sure why I am now. Just thought it might be fun, I guess. Sometimes I feel like we aren't as far along in replacing everything as we should be, but we do have our reasons. Currently we are renting a 1900 sq ft house. It is quite small for all 7 of us, we tend to be on top of each other and we often joke that it was a good thing everything burned because it wouldn't fit in this house anyway. But you see, I don't want to buy anything until we have OUR house. Yes, I could buy stuff for this house, and we could move it to the new house, but I really don't want to buy anything until I have my own house. Unfortunately we are on a time scedule, as we only have so much time to replace everything before we don't get reimbursed for it. So hopefully we find a house soon. We do have our eye on one or two... Stay tuned!!!
So, here are just a few pictures of the fire...


So, it happened just after midnight on August 1, 2008. The firefighters were on the scene pretty quick as a Highway Patrolman was the first car to come across the scene. They were in the middle of nowhere on I-5 in Central CA.


The firemen started pulling all our stuff out of the trailer so they could get to the fire and put it out. Our stuff was pulled down onto the on ramp and evertime a big semi would pass it would blow stuff all over the place.


Our friend showed up to help clean up our stuff and help David haul it back to Fairfield -where we lived. He was a huge help. My dad and David went, I think 36 or more hours without sleep. It was rough on them. When they first started rummaging through all the burnt stuff they only had a tiny flashlight. When Lance showed up he brought big lanterns. He got the call from David at 1:30am and didn't hesitate to wake up his kids -his wife was at a conference- and drive out to help them, 2 1/2 hours away.


Doesn't look like much, but this is what was left. Most of it burned, it smelled so bad! After David, my dad & Lance went through everything and pulled out anything they thought was salvagable, CalTrans came and scooped up everything with a front loader and put it in a dump truck. While they were waiting for Lance's bro-in-law to show up with a trailer -to haul everything back to Fairfield, truckers would stop and start going through our stuff! Unbelievable.



As I look at some of the pictures, especially when I was creating my 'list', I would say to David "why didn't we keep this? It doesn't look too bad" and he would say "you don't remember the smell." The smell was really bad. Fortunately many of our photos were salvaged, along with a few other items that we feel very lucky to have. All in all, we are grateful to have what we have. We love where we are and are grateful for the changes that have come in our lives. The fire has made us stronger and we truly feel it was a blessing in so many ways.

Here is hoping the next year is full of fun changes and exciting adventures!

Maid needed

I am a little frustrated, and a little overwhelmed. Will my house EVER be neat and clean?!?!? I am baffled at how it always seems so cluttered and messy! David and I will clean it and it will look awesome... for about 5 minutes!! I just don't get it. I go to some peoples homes and they are neat as a pin, no junk anywhere to be seen. Kitchen counters are spotless, nothing on the floor, no dust, no clutter, just an immaculately clean, spotless, clutter free home decorated perfectly and beautifully. So, my question is this...
HOW?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Please someone share your secret with me. And I don't want to hear 'you have 5 kids' because that is not it. I was recently in someone's home and she has 4 LITTLE kids. It was Perfectly spotless. So what is it? Do you all have a room that is your 'dump' room? Do you not buy toys for your kids? Do you not have junk anywhere? I feel like I am swimming in papers from school, pictures and notes that my kids color and write for me (this happens daily!!!), kids shoes all over the floor, toys everywhere, just stuff everywhere! I am in awe that even after losing everything in the fire, we still managed to have a messy home! How is that possible? Maybe I just need to come to grips with the fact that it will never be clean. Any suggestions for how you keep your home clean and neat??? I welcome any hints or tips! Please help...